If I am being completely honest, this journey has been much harder to document than I anticipated it would be. Not from the perspective that I didn't want to talk about the things that were happening but more from the perspective that everything that was happening felt very uncertain and tenuous and my heart could hardly handle talking about it in person, let alone write about it.
For those of you keeping track, it's been nearly 4 months since our last post. And in those four months, we've experienced a literal lifetime of emotions including the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. We lost another potential match, we said goodbye to another one that wasn't the best fit for our family, we've doubted the process, we've doubted the possibility for a positive end result, we've cried (I've cried) over how impossible this feels some days, I've prayed desperate & honest words and given my utterly broken heart to the Lord more times than I can count and then turned around, sometimes the very same day, and allowed myself to get lost in the worry and the fear of it all, I've chided myself for feeling so impatient and so weak when we were just a few months into the waiting, longing for a match that felt right, and then when it felt like we might as well settle into the long haul of a 2-year wait time, we met her..
A truly beautiful and amazing woman who has entered our lives and offered to give a piece of herself which, only by the power of God's grace and glory, will heal the most broken of places in our souls.
I still want to write the rest of our story and I will. I promise. I'll tell you about the day we heard our daughter's heartbeat for the first time and how I wept in the car on the way home. I'll tell you about her ultrasound and how sometimes I'll catch Matt just staring at her photo taped on our fridge with a soft smile on his face. I'll tell you about her nursery and how I routinely find myself in there, sitting in absolute stunned wonder of God's plan and His grace and the fact that a tiny human will soon fill that space (and those diapers). And I'd love to tell you a little more about how we met our birth mom, how much we already adore her and how she is, without any hesitation, the most extraordinary person we've ever met.
And one day, hopefully very soon, we'll introduce you to our daughter. One so longed for, so fought for, so intensely loved already. Her story is one of redemption and I can't wait to tell her everything.
1 Samuel 1:27–28 "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give her to the LORD. For her whole life she will be given over to the LORD."